Ruminating on 60 Years

This past weekend, we flew down to Florida to celebrate my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary.  It was a pretty amazing time:  All 11 grandchildren made it out, plus 5 of their spouses (only one was missing; he had to go to a wedding), 1 boyfriend, and their 2 great-grandchildren.  It was a better turn-out than any of the recent family weddings

My grandparents are an inspiration to me.  They married on June 6, 1953.  They didn't have a lot of money, but they made ends meet.  They went through having three children, struggling to make ends meet, my Gramps having a heart attack in his late 40s, my Gramz having a rare neurological disease in her 70s, the divorces of two of their kids, etc.  Now towards the end of their lives (both are in their 80s), anyone can see that their love and commitment is still strong.

It is crazy to think of 60 years with one person.  Since Gill and I married at 39 and 31, it is unlikely we will make it to that milestone, though of course only God knows what will be.  Even if we don't, I love the idea that at 40 or 50 years married, we too will be surrounded by our loved ones, hopefully children and grandchildren, and that we will have laid a legacy of faith and love.

Actually, my grandparents aren't my biological relatives.  Their oldest daughter married my dad when I was 11 years old, but since that day, they have considered me and my brother as part of their grandchildren, and now Gil and my sister-in-law are also part of the brood.  Since all of my biological grandparents have passed away, I feel extra blessed to have Gramz and Gramps still around.

Top Ten Tuesdays: Top Ten Books Dealing with Tough Subjects

I'm once again joining in the blog link-up Top Ten Tuesdays, hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.  Today's topic is Top Ten Books that Deal with Tough Subjects.  Some of mine are fiction, and some are non-fiction.  A word to new readers:  I am a Christian, so many of my choices reflect my faith  

1.  A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit. This book is the antidote to the ideals espoused by "Sex and the City".  Shalit opines that our over-sexualized culture actually hurts young women especially, and that modesty, rather than being old-fashioned prudery, is actually fulfilling and empowering.

2.  If God Is Good by Randy Alcorn.  A book that looks at the age old question:  If God is good, why is there evil in the world.  I found it a challenging and rewarding read.

3.  The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  Only Lewis can take a difficult topic like demons and spiritual warfare and turn it into a beloved novel.  I felt like I had to pause after each page to ponder the significance of what was being said.  Need to read this one again soon!

4.  The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.  You already know how much I love this book.  I list it under tough subjects because with all the marriage books out there, it's hard to write one that stands out and because I give props to the Kellers for saying that marriage is hard because we're all selfish at heart.   Yet the book left me feeling positive and encouraged me to work on my marriage.

5.  When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert.  I'm kind of cheating here as I haven't finished this one yet, but I'm 30% through and thoroughly fascinated.  The authors tackle the fact that so much of development work actually leaves people worse off than they were before.  They challenge readers, especially middle class North American Christians, to examine their own perspectives before thinking they know all the answers.  A great read!

6.  The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.  I thought I wouldn't like this book because if it's rough subject:  the rape and murder of a young teen; however, it was gripping and provided an interesting view of a horrible situation.

7.  My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.  This book takes the reader into the midst of a family dealing with cancer, not just the medical problems, but also sibling rivalries, issues in marriage, etc.  It leaves you pondering a lot of questions on medical ethics and consent.

8.  The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.  This book really embodies a lot of what When Helping Hurts says:  that if we go into another culture to help without fully understanding it, we will often do harm.  It is a powerful and gripping novel of an American missionary family in Congo.

9.  Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.  Gahhh, I can't believe I forgot this one.  If you've never read it, I can't tell you why it's extremely thought provoking and disturbing, but it is.

Thoughts on a (Probably) Failed Exam

In high school, I dated a guy who had an amusing quirk.  If he wrote an exam and found it not very difficult, he would say, "It was so easy, I felt sorry for the test."  Remember that huge Mandarin exam I was studying for?  I did not feel sorry for it.  If the exam had emotions, I think it would feel sorry for me.  In fact, I'm fairly sure that I failed.

You may hate me for this, but I have never failed an exam before.  I was that person who felt like any grade less than an A was a failure.  I might have failed a quiz once, but that's about it, so staring at an exam paper and knowing it's not going well is a new experience for me.  That said, it's a pretty huge blessing to know that my first failed exam is one taken voluntarily which has no bearing on my future.  I can study and take it again in the fall, when my Mandarin levels should be higher.

I took some time yesterday to think over what I could have done differently, and besides studying hours and hours more each day for a few months, I don't know.   I have to work and my marriage is important to me, so I'm not willing to structure my entire life around language learning.  My main issue is reading speed, so if I'd spent more time reading and less time cramming vocabulary, perhaps that could have helped, but even then I may have been out of my league.  I'm trying to remember that my recent intensive studying was not in vain:  I learned so much new vocabulary over the past few months which will help me in my Mandarin progression, and now if I choose to take the exam again, I already have the flashcards and practice exams so I can jump right in.  加油！

Readers, how do you react when you fail?  Have you had the experience of cramming for something important and then seeing your efforts fall flat?  How do you keep from feeling disheartened when you don't make the grade?

Today because my studying is OVER(!!), I treated myself to a sorely-needed haircut and a visit to my favourite local library today.

New-ish hair.  It looks a lot like my old hairstyle, just shorter.

Saturday Strolling and How You Can Support Crisis Pregnancy Centres

Yesterday morning, I took a break from studying Mandarin to attend the First Response Relay in support of Toronto's Pregnancy Care Centre. I was initially asked to help do set-up and hadn't planned on doing the walk, but when I saw a few friends there, I decided to join in.  We had a chilly start, but warmed up as we walked around 5km and recapping it now gives me a chance to share about this amazing organization.  It was a great way to get some exercise on a Saturday morning and meet people from all over the city who support the PCC.  I even met one of my favourite bloggers, and ended up introducing myself and looking like an awkward groupie. 

Enjoying some awesome music

I've been involved with the PCC for a few months now.  I started thinking about how much time and energy I had spent celebrating the pregnancies of friends and family, while there are so many people for whom becoming pregnant is more stressful than celebratory.  Many churches talk about being pro-life, but I wanted to be more about practical help than about politics.  Anyway, I signed up to attend a training day; this provided background information and practical help on how to respond when someone tells you about an unexpected pregnancy, although I found the tools and role playing transferable to other situations where someone is in crisis.  Since then, I've helped in a few small ways, like doing internet research and monitoring email. 

How can you support your local crisis pregnancy centre?  

• Assist with word-of-mouth, sharing with people you know, especially those who are more likely to come into conduct with someone in a crisis pregnancy, like teachers, guidance counselors, youth workers, etc.    
• Donate your time:  It doesn't mean you'll be counseling people; you could help moving furniture or other items that are donated to women in need, or like me, you could do internet research.
• You can donate used baby items or products that you don't need or like (e.g., diapers from a brand that doesn't fit right or in an outgrown size, formula if you're breastfeeding, wipes when you plan on using re-usable ones).  Many people pass on baby items to friends, but at least in my circle of friends, I don't know anyone who truly cannot afford that box of diapers. 

Medical Mondays: Things Doctors Do Differently

 **Hi friends! Today I'm participating in the Medical Mondays blog hop, hosted by Emma at Your Doctor's Wife, Jane at From a Doctor's Wife, Erin at Home With the Boys, and Heather at The Life Unexpected. If you're now around here, welcome! Regular readers, please take the opportunity of checking out some other interesting blogs.**

Last time I joined in for Medical Monday, I was feeling a bit down and posted some really honest musings. This time I'm lightening things up a bit. These are a few things I've noticed that doctors experience differently than “regular folks”.

Watching TV:  Television seems to bring out the “doctor” in my doctor husband. Medical shows are the worst of this, of course. It's a good thing I've never been a Grey's Anatomy fan, because Gil can't watch two minutes of it without lecturing the TV. We watched a couple of episodes of The Mob Doctor, with the same result. (Actually, I was also yelling at the TV for that one. How can she just leave the hospital and drive to the middle of nowhere all the time without anyone noticing? ...but I digress.) Medical Drama Syndrome, however, is not limited to hospital-set shows. I've seen it occur during crime fighting programs (usually brought on by autopsies), and even food programs. The other day we watched an episode of Bizarre Foods in which the host visited a Singapore restaurant specializing in using food to restore customers' “yin” and “yang” balance. I think my husband's head nearly exploded. :-)

Making plans:  Since I'm the “secretary” of our relationship, I generally liaise with others trying to get together with us. Any accepted invitation usually follows several back-and-forth negotiations (“He's on call that weekend... and that one too... and he's post-call on that day, so that's a no...”), and is annotated with, “But of course, he may be called in and not be able to come.” A few weeks ago, we had friends over for dinner and a hockey game, and Gil did not arrive home until they'd gone home. Ah, the medical life!

Attending family gatherings:  Most people's family Christmas party include discussion of Auntie Gertrude's recent trip to Ireland (accompanied by 2 full photo albums), the weather, politics, and polite chatter. When doctors attend family gatherings, they are immediately pounced upon by Uncle Philbert who wants to discuss his recent colonoscopy results, and Cousin Euphemia who has a strange rash. Then there is the random relative who just can't wait to corner any medical person with the latest theories on how cancer is a government plot, and the entire medical profession is a money-grabbing scam. And of course all of that information must be true because he found it on the Internet...

Attending conferences: In my previous life, I attended a grand total of one conference.  I flew overseas, had an extra day to get over jet lag and sightsee, then attended two days of meetings, complete with catered lunches, breaks, and a very fancy dinner (the kind with separate wines for each course).  Due to the cross-Atlantic travel, I missed a full week of work even though it was only a two-day conference.  Since this was such a cool experience, I couldn't wait to attend conferences with my husband, but it turns out that they aren't much fun, and usually involve me barely seeing him at all because of breakfast meetings and evening sessions.  This winter we attended a conference at Mont Tremblant and he literally did not leave the hotel for two days.  (I, on the other hand, went snowshoeing and had a grand old time.)  Gil insists that this is the norm because he needs to rack up his training hours.  I'm guessing he'll need to retire to finally get some real R&R.
 

Medical friends, can you think of anything to add?

Top Ten Tuesdays: Topics That Make Me Instinctively Pick Up A Book

This week I am once again linking up with The Broke and the Bookish's Top Ten Tuesday list.   Today's topic is "Top Ten Words/Topics That Instantly Make Me Buy/Pick Up A Book".  I only managed to think of eight topics, and most of them reveal my not-so-secret identity as a history nerd.

1. Russia.  I have a life-long love affair with Russian history, literature, and culture that has taken me on many traveling adventures around Eastern Europe and to the rodina itself. I am unable to resist picking up Russia-related books.  The last one I almost bought as an impulse purchase was The Winter Palace by Eva Stachniak. I've since picked it up at the library.

Me at the Smolny Institute, 2004

At the Kremlin.  What's up with my hair??

2. The Cold War.  Obviously this is related to the above.

3. Alternative History / Time Travel.  Ever since I saw Back to the Future, I have dreamed of traveling through time.  Until I invent a time machine (unlikely) or people from the future come to get me, I'll have to settle with reading time travel books.  :-)

4. Dracula.  Not all vampires, just Dracula.  Maybe it's because he's East European?

5. Dystopia.  I find this theme really fascinating.  My favourites are Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake and its counterpart, The Year of the Flood.  Reading through a lot of the Broke and Bookish links last week, however, made me realize there is a lot of dystopian YA literature that I've never heard of, so I'm in no means well-read in the subject. 

6. CIA/KGB/MI5.  I can't resist buying books about the history of intelligence agencies.  I do, however, seem to be able to resist actually reading them once they're in my collection....

7. Cats.  We all know how much I love cats.  I don't actually buy cat books, but I usually pick them up and laugh at goofy pictures.

8. Margaret.  When I was a kid, there weren't many kids called Margaret.  Most people with my name were grandmas or Margaret Thatcher.  As a result, I delighted in finding books where the main character had my name.  Two of my favourites are below; though the covers have since been updated, I've used the ones I remember from childhood.  To this day, if a book title has my name in it, I want to buy it.

Life Lately

This photo pretty much summarizes my life this weekend:

I am at T-2 weeks before my next major Mandarin exam (HSK Level V) so my days are a blur of working and reviewing vocabulary.  My husband says I can't complain as I chose to sign up for this... and truly I am not complaining.  I am do enjoy studying, but I am getting a bit tired of it.  Yesterday the weather was so lovely that I took some time to sit on my porch reading a book on the porch, which was lovely.

The Chinese is helping to distract me as I've been a bit sad lately.  After a year and a half in Toronto, I'm pretty much feeling at home in this life, but still have moments when I miss all my friends in Ottawa.  I found out a few weeks ago that my best friend is pregnant.  She and I lived down the street from one another for a few years; it's just hitting home that I am missing being a part of her life during this important period, and I won't be around to run to the store for her or stop in to watch the baby for a 10 minutes while she takes a shower, etc.  I won't be a part of the baby's life the way I would love to be.  I'm excited for her, but just feeling the loss of my former life a little more deeply this week.

Otherwise, Gil is back from Newfoundland and life is back to its normal pattern, except that I'm working a lot more.  We are still short-staffed since I took my boss's position which leaves my old one empty.  I will get to take part in interviewing potential staff, which will be a totally new experience for me.

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!


P.S. For the curious, the flashcards app that I use is called gFlashcards, and the card shown is 预订 (yù dìng), which means "to place an order, book ahead, reserve".